Bernd das Brot goes On-line

The station Kika, goes off the air at 9:15 p.m. at which time it plays a clip (approx 5 min) over and over and over ..... and over again until 6 in the morning.  For 2 months, straight, the clip was all about Bernd being a 'nerd' (see previous post, 'Wo bin ich?').  But suddenly it changed to a new clip.  They don't seem to have names, but this has a different theme as you'll discover below.  Let's say hello to Berd again, and I'll let Richard describe his misadventures, as best as we can understand them.



Poor Bernd--He has the habit of being placed in strange situations--but in fact in one sense we are all
subject to his problems. In this episode of the further adventures of Bernd das Brot he is forced into the on line world---Mist! He says ---which is not fog but rather crap!





Either I am dead or all alone in a completely white world----The narrator says do you want a friend Bernd? Do which he says Nein.



However he is told he can have thousands of friends on the world-wide web--suddenly a machine inspects him and makes him ready for this world---


Wozu?



They want his preferences---vorlieben--why should I tell you that---the machine grabs him and tortures him--He says only that my name is Bernd das Brot--then Ich bin sehr gern allein --which `they' take to mean he is happy to be '  on line'



He's on the world wide web

with thousands of friends

you should post something Brot--

He says something rude--if I post something I'll be 

a water delivery man for fools----?

his 'friends' persist

He says I am not on line

But this is Ich bin nicht on line sein

which the machine hears as ich bin nicht allein

and this continues

you are not alone Bernd--you have 3698 freund

They say we love you--I love you

to which our dyspeptic friend replies Ich hasse euch 

I hate you ...

well now this sets off a storm of abuse

he tries to dodge by crouching and hopping

they threaten him with being taken to the funny farm 

where he would do something nonsensical for ever

Ich will gar nichts funnies --but he is asked for a credit card to get out

never! he says

so they torture him with images from his past life

finally he gives in and puts into the console his credit card info

was denn? 

web cam roulette

very dull

they show either his mother or something embarrassing from his past

Stop! What do I have to do to get you to stop this 

?

You must find the master control switch and turn it off

That's what I'll do

You can try Brot

He gets digitized

Now they come for him in a web based car

abandon all hope 

he says something like the worst is when there is no hope to be broken

and they take our hero away---